As I’m taking a job in Switzerland this summer my time here in the USA is running out. So I wanted to go do something big before leaving and one climb in particular was high on my list. Back in October of 2000 Leon Islas and I tried to do “Diagonal” (5.8), a 700 foot route on Wallface mountain deep in the northern Adirondaks of upstate New York. For beginners we did pretty good, getting up above 500 feet before having to bail (ran out of time). We survived a hair-raising descent and eventually got out of there with our skins intact. It was quite an adventure.

This time I thought that I would have a greater chance. I’m a better climber now and, more importantly, a better leader. I did my research and worked out what I would have to do to get on the route with time enough to finish it. My only real concern was the final and hardest pitch, an overhanging offwidth finish sounded pretty gripping. But I was pretty confident.

So early on Friday morning I, James Rush and Luciana Andrade left New Haven (CT) about a half hour after sunrise. I drove the first part, as far as Poughkeepsie (NY) before handing the wheel to James. Lu spent most of the trip dozing in the back seat. The weather looked pretty grim. Intermittent rain turned to occasional flurries of snow the further north we got. But the following day was predicted to be fine and sunny. Apart from one small detour (James got a little lost around Saratoga Springs) we reached the Tahawus trailhead in reasonable time.

We got out of the car and donned our packs. My pack (which contained all of my climbing and camping gear) weighed about four thousand pounds, I tied onto the outside of it one of the 60 m ropes and James took the other. Lu’s pack was full with their tent (borrowed from a friend) and she looked pretty funny because the pack was almost as big as she was. As we set off up the Indian Pass Trail snow continued to gently come down around us.

The hiking was ok in general terms. We never lost the trail, but sometimes it would be very wet and staying dry turned out to be impossible. The snow fall was light but constant and made us all very concerned about what this would do to the next day’s climbing. After a couple of miles we reached the first lean-to and sat inside to take a break. Just in time too. The snowfall intensified all at once and it looked like a blizzard. We just sat their looking at it with mouths agape. What the hell happened to Spring? After 10 minutes it wasn’t so heavy and we decided to continue. It was pretty cold.

Mud, mud and more mud. My boots were a mess and my feet were wet. Occasionally I would put my foot on what looked to be a dry spot and feel the mud suck it down to the ankle. With the weight of the pack bearing down on me I thought I would go over on more than a couple of occasions and actually did go down on a knee once. The pack was feeling incredibly heavy and I was constantly fiddling with the chest strap and hip straps to try and get the weight distribution right.

There were lots of trees down across the trail too, their skeletal branches often making it look nothing so much as an elongated bayou. At the second lean-to we saw that it was occupied by sleeping mats, sleeping bags and some other stuff. Hikers we supposed, probably out there somewhere walking about. By now the pack was so heavy on my back that I sat down here resting for a good 10 min.

We continued up the trail and eventually came to the point where it crosses the brook it follows for one last time and heads up the eastern side of the pass. Here we knew that we had to leave it and follow the brook on the west side. James was up ahead and he found what looked very much to be the campsite we expected to find, it was only about a 150 feet from where we got off the trail.

Exhausted I dropped the pack and could do little more than sit down for about half an hour. My legs were jelly and I was tired enough to lay down and die. After we set up camp James spent a very long time trying to set fire to anything he could get his hands on. Despite heroic efforts the campfire he was trying to build never would properly catch alight. Everything was too wet. It was freezing cold and Lu was particularly uncomfortable. Her feet were wet and she hadn’t expected conditions to be quite this bad. Neither had I. The snow continued to drift down, although it was lessening all the time. I set up my little gas cooker and we had some tea and coffee made pretty quick, which improved morale significantly. Lu crept into a sleeping bag and tried to warm up, while James and I tried to prod some life into the bloody fire.

After a bit James said that he would join Lu and turn in. I stayed up for a while longer, it was still too light for me to sleep, and kept trying to bother the fire into life. After a bit I stirred myself to go and have a short walk around, see if I could find a climbers trail or some such thing that would lead us up to the base the next day.

We could see Wallface from the campsite as we were setting up, it looked shadowy and huge. As I walked out of camp and approached it a little more closely I thought I could see the ramp and it looked like it had patches of snow or (worse) ice. This was disturbing. The hike had been very hard for me and I knew that I was out of shape, which served only to increase my concern for the climbing. I had promised my friends I would be strong. After a little while I went back to camp and bedded down in my tent.

That night I dreamed of being in a huge city which was both strange and strangely familiar. I also dreamed that Leila came to visit me and told me not to worry.

The next morning it was very cold, about three degrees below freezing, but the sky was mostly cloud free. I eventually dragged myself out of my tent at the same time as the other two were stirring. It was very uncomfortable. James again made a stab at lighting the fire while I went to get some water for the tea. Lu was not real happy.

“I don’t think I’m going to climb today.” She said. She was too cold.

James and I shared an ambivilance about it too. We started to talk about the possibility that there might be too much ice. James had been looking at that himself. We could see from here that the top of Wallface looked like it was covered in great hanging sheets of ice, it looked magnificent. A terrible and frightening beauty. But I had dragged myself, my gear and my friends all this way and I just had to at least try it. So I reminded them that I still wanted to make the attempt. James was fine with that. Lu stated that we were crazy, it’s too cold.

After a light breakfast James and I suited up and we all, Lu included, prepared to angle our way up towards the base. It was quite a struggle as snow and ice covered everything. I didn’t see too many cairns (which we expected) until after we took a break at about half-way. James kept talking about the ice and I kept trying not to think about it. It took us a little under forty minutes to get to the base of “Diagonal”.

When we finally reached the base of the first pitch we found that it was covered in a slowly melting layer of ice. Higher up on the slabs directly under the start of the big ramp there were sheets of the stuff. For the first time James said that it looked “way to icy” and I was almost ready to agree with him. It was horrible.

But I was still determined to give it a go. If I could do the first pitch, I would try for the second, and if that went then I would continue as far as I could. I ditched the idea of giving James any leads, even if we could make the ramp. The uncertainty was too great.

With too much ice for climbing shoes I decided to try the first pitch in my hiking boots. It’s supposed to be a scramble anyway, something that in better conditions can be done unroped. I figured that if I could thrutch my way up there like that then I stood a better chance higher up in my taps. Besides there just wasn’t anywhere at the base, covered in soggy snow and melting ice, where I could comfortably change shoes.

It was a magnificent day, blue skies and few clouds. We were finally beginning to feel some warmth. However this brought an additional concern, the sun had been working on the upper face for a couple of hours already. From above an intermittent rain of falling ice had us cringing under our helmets. I suggested that Lu, who was helmetless, should move further away. I was struck twice, once on the helmet and once on my shoulder. James got wacked solidly in the back.

While James got himself sorted I flaked out the rope, tied in and then started up. I got up about 10 feet and found a nice ledge, which I cleared of snow and stood on. Beyond that I decided that I would have to start protecting the route. I found that a camalot in an icy crack is about as solid as soap on an ice-rink. I eventually cleared away enough ice to get in a red camalot, but it was so crappy that I removed it and tried a wired nut in a secondary fissure instead. By then James had put me on belay and it was time for more serious stuff.

So I reached right around a stubby fat flake and hauled up enough to get my right boot on a nice sharp edge, the holds were slippery with ice and muddy as hell. I fought to keep my balance and eventually steadied. By Christ this was scary. I was hoping to find good holds as I went up, but the blocks that are normally the literal stepping-stones to the top of the pitch were completely iced over and the holds were out of sight around the flake-line I was following up. I think I got in another piece, I really don’t remember, and then hauled up again. I suddenly found myself hanging from my hands and unable to place my feet anywhere that wasn’t too slippery. Gripped out of my mind I realized that I was a body-length above my last piece and just about ready to drop. With no choice I started back down, James guided my feet with directive calls, and my hands moved blindly back to earlier grips. With my heart in my throat I made it back all the way to that first ledge. The time was about 10.20am.

It was over.

My disappointment remains indescribable. I have never before felt so desolate about anything quite so unimportant as a failed climb. James agreed that it was pointless to continue and we should bail. Lu looked very relieved. We cheered each other up a bit by saying things like “at least we tried” and stuff. But the hurt was still there and I just wanted to get the hell away. So we struggled back down past the little cairns and back to camp. After some tea and coffee and a little food we packed everything up and began the long hike back to the car.

Leila flew home from New Orleans that night, I was back just in time to surprise her at the airport. She guessed pretty much instantly how my weekend must have gone. But she was as happy to see me as I was to see her.